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Hey Single Dudes!!

February 10, 2018 - Blog -

Hey Single Dudes!!

I jotted down some thoughts for the ladies the other day,  so…now it’s your turn!! haha

[By the way, I’m not writing this with any kind of sarcastic or arrogant undertone. I wish I could say this in person so you’d hear my heart…I really do believe these things are true, and I really do believe you CAN do this!]

Here are 3 quick thoughts I have for single guys.

#1 – If you like her, strike up a REAL conversation with her. 

Like…look at her in the eyes, and say “Hi!! How are you today?” and then go from there…

Ask her to have coffee with you. Ask her to go on a walk (somewhere safe…not the woods behind your neighborhood) Invite her to lunch. Invite her to church. Ask her to dinner. The Bible says in Proverbs “the man who finds a wife finds a treasure”

Find isn’t a passive word, it’s an active word. This means YOU should grow a pair and take the  initiative…  So what if you find out she has a boyfriend or another interest?! So what if she’s not that into you?! It’s not the end of the world! Just be confident, and engage her in a conversation, and if it doesn’t work out, then cool.

This is my opinion (and my blog) so I can say this…STALKING her on Instagram and liking her photos from 2 years ago comes across as more creepy than confident. FB messaging her or asking for private pics via snapchat is not the “initiative” I’m talking about. And she probably doesn’t want to see your shirtless mirror selfies (even if you have abs), so save them.

If you are attracted to her, talk to her!  No need to text her friends and hope they send her screenshots of the conversation. BE A MAN and take action. Deep down, she wants a leader. An initiator. Start leading now by starting a REAL conversation with her.

 

#2 – If she says “no,” RESPECT HER.

If you ask her out and she says no, then leave her alone. Sure, you can be friendly, but continuing to text her or pressure her for something more will eventually set off the creep alarm. And if she perceives you as a creep, she WILL tell her friends. If she says no and you keep pushing, that is NOT romance, that is DUMB.

And this principle is ESPECIALLY TRUE when it comes to ANYTHING sexual. Stop being aggressive, stop pushing the boundaries, stop fantasizing about her…just STOP. Don’t get your name attached to a #metoo accusation. And more importantly, don’t be the guy she REGRETS being vulnerable with. As I quoted earlier, the Bible says in Proverbs “the man who finds a wife finds a treasure” – if you cannot TREASURE her now by respecting her wishes, then how can she ever trust you’ll treasure her in the future? 

 

#3 – Risk REJECTION and stop PRETENDING.

Every dude is afraid of rejection to some degree. This is why most guys beat around the bush when it comes to their interest in a girl…

But some guys even choose to HIDE their true self because they are so afraid of rejection.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the guy who PRETENDS to be one person in the early stages of a relationship (knowing GOOD and well that’s not who you really are) just to impress the girl or hide your bad qualities. Ladies want a man who can be honest. And if you are not honest about yourself NOW, then how will you ever convince her to trust you in the future?

Trust me, she has probably been played before. And if so, she’s VERY sensitive to the fact that you are covering something up. Your true identity WILL reveal itself eventually. And its a lot harder to explain who you really are than it is to just be honest up front.

My mother in law says, “Don’t start out like you can’t hold out” – that’s good wisdom.

I’m going to continuing this conversation about singleness and dating tomorrow at Oasis Church, as I start a new teaching series entitled “VOWS.” Personal vows, marital vows, broken vows, renewed vows. It’s a series for single people, dating people, married people, divorcing people, remarrying people. Everyone in between.  

3 Comments
  • A Pursuer

    Hey Bill. Found you through a friend and look forward to watching the sermon series from afar. I have two questions in the meantime. Do I have to have the woman's "permission" to pursue? Also, how much should a guy pursue at first; like how much should a guy pursue at first so he's not all in at once but a woman knows his heart?

    February 13, 2018
  • Rebecca J Whitman

    I love this series, Bill! Thank you for your honesty and sharing.

    February 13, 2018
  • Bill Rose

    Hi there "A Pursuer" - nice name, haha
    So, first I'd encourage you not to overthink it. But to answer your questions, 1 - You always have permission to pursue...until you don't. Ask for a phone number or something to stay in touch. If she says no, you're done. If she gives you a number but never answers, leave her a voicemail. If she doesn't call back, you're done. If you hit it off nicely, and then go on a few dates, make some mutual friends, then she stops or asks you to back off, then you are done. lol make sense? In most cases, you have permission...until you don't. IF she's acting weird toward you or she seems like she is not interested but just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, then give her an out and see if she takes it. Say something like, "hey, is this okay with you? If not, I'm totally cool with just being friends or whatever..."

    As far as how much a guy should pursue at first; just ask her for permission to call, date, get to know each other, etc. Be honest with her about your feelings, but also be comfortable getting rejected. Don't do the whole "God told me I'm gonna marry you" thing - that's weird and most girls don't dig that, even Godly ones. Don't be afraid to take it slow, if you are transparent and upfront with your feelings, she'll appreciate that, just try not to outrun her to the wedding. Make sense?

    Good luck!

    February 20, 2018
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