Hey Single Ladies!!
I know that not all of you are into the dating scene, but for those of you who are, here are some thoughts from a guy who literally just got hitched. When I think back over my dating relationship with Jennifer, there are three things she did REALLY WELL. These things made her really attractive to me, but they also set our relationship up for success.
I might be biased, but I think any Christian girl who is “on the market” (whether you are single, divorced, or a widow) should employ these principles in her dating life…
#1 – SHE DID NOT CHASE ME!!
Jennifer is extroverted, confident and very secure in herself. She COULD have pursued me, but she didn’t.
I had to pursue her. She didn’t call first, text first, message first, kiss first or ANYTHING first. I knew from the beginning, that if I wanted to be with her, I was gonna have to be the initiator and the pursuer.
Single ladies…WAIT. A Godly man WILL pursue you. If you are always “putting yourself out there” and chasing guys around or doing whatever you can to get their attention, then you’ll definitely attract a guy…it just might not be the guy you want to be married to!
You want to be married to a guy who is ready to lead… a guy who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to pursue his dreams. You also need to know that you are WORTH being pursued. And a guy who isn’t ready to risk rejection in order to pursue you for a simple date, isn’t ready to marry you either…because marriage requires more guts than asking someone on a date.
Don’t chase a guy, make him pursue you! And if he’s not willing to initiate, then you are probably better off without him. You don’t have to throw yourself at a guy to be noticed. If he’s a decent guy, and you are a decent girl, he will notice you.
#2 – SHE SET THE BAR HIGH.
As you can imagine, Jennifer had lots of invitations to go on dates and meet up with people. Most of the time, she said “NO.” It would have been easy for her to go on a thousand dates saying… “hey, it’s a free dinner!”
But she didn’t just go out with anyone. She set the bar high for herself.
And it was very clear to me on our first date (because of the kinds of questions she asked) that she knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to settle into some mediocre relationship that satisfies boredom, but never ultimately fulfills. She knew what she wanted out of the relationship!
Which brings me to this point… SAY NO TO FIXER UPPERS!
Don’t settle for a guy and say, “Maybe I can fix him up and see if he works out.” A fixer upper boyfriend ends up being a fixer upper husband, and a fixer upper Dad, and you’ll be frustrated the rest of your life trying to fix him.
On the day you get married, you need to be convinced that you will love this person AS IS for the rest of your life, even if NOTHING about them changes!
#3 – SHE WAS HONEST (and she required honesty in return!)
She told me exactly what she was thinking, even if it bordered on hurting my feelings. She also didn’t beat around the bush. She never played games with me, she didn’t dodge my calls, she didn’t send mixed signals.
She didn’t say “maybe” when she meant “no.” And she didn’t say “no” if she meant “yes.” And she required this same honesty from me!
If you are playing games, then you are probably also being played. Drop the facade, be radically honest, and stop playing around. Your honestly in the beginning will establish trust in the relationship, but it also has the potential to prevent pain in the future!!
I have some thoughts for the dudes, too. I’ll post more soon!
Until then, join me this Sunday for week 1 of a new series at Oasis entitled “VOWS.” Personal vows, marital vows, broken vows, renewed vows. It’s a series for single people, dating people, married people, divorcing people, remarrying people. Everyone in between.